Those Words from A Dad That Rescued Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - taking a few days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."